Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Another random(s) post... Not much in the mood to formulate something insightful and incisive. (I can hear you: "When in the hell are you ever insightful or incisive?")

Just came home from hanging with a friend and indulging in some food and drink at one of our locals. I like the guy - he's one of my closest friends (particularly when I have a computer problem, he's the first one I call) - but at times I find him totally perplexing. The last couple of times I've seen him, he's told me about a woman at work that seems to be smitten with him. And even though he tells me he's attracted to her, he doesn't pursue it. His excuse? "If I show interest, that's it." What does that mean? Well, in his head, it essentially means that if he decides he wants to pursue a relationship, he has to commit to this woman wholeheartedly. He's a little funny that way: even though he hasn't had a girlfriend in, oh, ten years, he doesn't seem to think there's a middle ground between friendship and marriage. It's a sign of his inexperience with women. He's gun shy. I've told to him just ask her for a drink - "People do it all the time, you know," I've said - but he seems to reluctant to do something as small as that. I've thrown my hands up in the air and given up.

Tomorrow I'm going out with another guy who hasn't had a girlfriend for a while. He too is pretty gun shy with women. Actually, he's worse than that: he tends to be attracted to women that are either attached or are schlepping drinks in a bar (ie., the typical bar wench). (And before I get attacked for that comment, let me say I have nothing against waitresses. He happens to be attracted to a typical "type" of waitress: too young and too blonde for him.) Maybe it's a form of self defense: if one becomes attracted to an unattainable, he never has to make a move. This is one reason why, incidentally, I'm not a good friend to my female friends: I can't introduce them to guys that will actually take some initiative. And it seems I know a fairly large number of interesting single women. So my apologies to all you fine and wonderful women. Perhaps I'll make more of an attempt to expand my circle of male friends.

But the good news about tomorrow is that I'm going to see a concert: Emm Gryner is playing at the Mod Club on College. For those that don't know, Gryner is a Canadian singer/songwriter. She toils in relative obscurity in North America, but I read recently that she's become relatively popular in Europe, particularly Ireland. (Or maybe it's Scotland.) Anyway, I'm half-guessing what I'll be saying when the show is over and I'm walking out of the Mod Club: "Why the hell don't I go see more live music?"


kann said...

My live music experiences are always like you said, "Why the hell don't I do this more?" or "My GOD. That's why I quit going to shows."
I hope your experience was the former.
Good luck with NaBloPoMo!

j-love said...

I know guys like that too. Obsessed with waitresses in their local, yet eons from a real, tangible relationship. Or even a date. Your assessment sounds right to me - fear and inexperience.

As the observing friend, it is exasperating, no?

writer_guy said...

I've given up on both these guys. Although oddly enough, my friend last night was trying to chat up a woman who was sitting next to us at the bar - in fact, he even bought her a B52 shooter. (He bought one for me too, thankfully...) So unlike Friend #1, he seems to be more game to play the dating game.

As for last night's show, I came out saying, "That's it?" It was way too short.

Andrew said...

To my mind, what your friend meant when he said "If I show interest, that's it" could have been "As soon as I show interest it'll precipitate a full-blown relationship" - or at least he's afraid there's a chance it might. Maybe he's not ready to take that kind of plunge. Maybe he's afraid of unleashing a tidal wave of expectations, feelings, assumptions, etc. all at once and he'd prefer kind of slowly easing his toes in bit by bit so he can get a chance to see how it goes at each stage. And analyze everything to death.

On the other hand, it also sounds as if it could be a bitter comment, with the bitterness directed inward as well as outward: "If I show any interest, I'll be into a relationship all over again and we know how that always ends up..." Maybe there's a bit of revenge-for-whatever going on here? What do they call that - passive-aggressive?

That'll be two bits, please.

(Now I have to go see how to get a pseudonym on this thing...)